Nipples

Do you know how hard it is to get attention? Your act could cover an audience in goosebumps and make them cry and then they’d walk away and not so much as like your facebook page. That is life, I suppose, especially in Rhode Island. I really do appreciate your attention. Are you reading this because I used “nipples” as the title? I’m glad it worked.

I’ve been blogging for eleven years. I’ve learned that some blog sites get more followers than others. This wordpress.org site doesn’t get a lot of them. What it does get is hundreds of spam comments. That is why you now need to give me a lot of information before you can comment. But of you comment, surely you deserve a gold sticker.

Last Thursday I went up to Boston to be on UNregular radio‘s uncensored Boston Local Music Show. It was quite the adventure. I thought I had it all planned out, but it turned out that I didn’t. I brought the children to my grandmother so she could watch them while I was away. About ten minutes too late I realized I’d left my cellphone in my bathrobe pocket. The train was scheduled to come at 10, and I was supposed to be at the train station by 9:45 to meet my mother (Holly Connors) who would be accompanying me and taking pictures. It was 9:10. According to google maps, it would take me 22 minutes to get from Manville to South Attleboro. I decided to be crazy and drive all the way back to Providence. The contact information for Dave Crespo of UNregular radio was in my phone and I didn’t want to be without it. Sure enough, I had a missed call from my mother. “Mom, I’m leaving my house right now,” was not what she wanted to hear, but I managed to get there and get a parking spot by 9:38. And I didn’t even drive like a psycho. I think it was a Wrinkle in Time moment. Really.

Both of us stared at the parking thing in shock that it wanted dollar bills. We said a little prayer and searched our purses and had just enough. We learned that you could buy tickets at Shaws but it had closed and luckily you could just buy them on the train. The train came ten minutes early just as we were walking to the platform. Then it left 9 minutes early. It turned out that we were the luckiest women alive.

My mother and I have some of the most interesting conversations and sometimes I think we forget that we are in public. Luckily the people around us were at least pretending to listen to whatever was coming out of their earbuds. The train ride went by really quickly and we were aware that we would have over an hour to kill when we got there so it was relaxing.

South Station had closed the women’s room right as all of the trains arrived at the same time. At least that is how the line looked. Luckily for us we had only consumed a large iced tea, a coffee, a soda and a large case of water so we were fine. But we did choose to wait in line at the other secret rest room at the top of the stairs. We met some interesting people and had interesting conversations about how badly we had to pee. Women rebuked other women for taking too long in the bathroom and several women became criminals that day as they tried to break into the men’s room which was locked because they didn’t need it to be unlocked. We comforted ourselves with the idea that there might be a gigantic three headed dog in there and we didn’t really want it unlocked anyway. When it was time to leave there we kissed and hugged all of our new friends and exchanged e-mails because it really had been a bonding experience. We had washed our hands first, of course.

It was amazing how quickly time had moved and we barely had time to eat now. Wow. So we found the road that the radio station was on and got the closest food we could. I ordered one slice of pizza which turned out to be several slices that they forgot to cut apart. I ate it like cookie monster and then inspected myself in the mirror. I looked just fine. When we stepped out of the building we searched for numbers on the others. We knew it had to be close by. Our brains automatically skipped over the condemned looking building with the kickboxing sign on it. Surely that wasn’t it.

It was. Sure enough it was. We reluctantly crossed the road and reluctantly opened the door and reluctantly went up the stairs. The hardest door to open was opened by someone else for us and we were nearly knocked over by smoke. That’s all I will say about the smoke because, you know, they talk about their views just enough for you to figure out what kind of smoke it was. We very reluctantly stepped into the room which actually looked really cool. Immediately we were greeted with, “You look really nervous.” To which we replied something like if your building looked any creepier you could use it as a haunted house. My mother offered her business card for her mural painting service and I really hope they take her up on it. They mentioned something about getting raped in an alley and offered us a seat and some water in Kony cups, though I assure you they will not be covering the night on 4/20.

The room was mass chaos. Big Bad Bobby and the Shoe Horns was setting up for a live performance on air. Dave from the Doctor’s Fox was eating a sandwich while sitting in a wheel chair. A few minutes later he got up and a guy from Haverhill Brewery came in and sat in the wheel chair as he set up a beer tasting. I tried the Commuter Ale. Very nice.

I met some people and then it was my turn to go in the actual room with the microphones and stuff.

I was in the room with several people including Dave from the Doctor’s Fox, Dex Ter, DAve Crespo, my mother and some other guy that was really funny but I didn’t ever get his name. We got to talking about Vodka Soaked Tampons somehow. *glares at Mom* And it was really a lot of fun. Then we went on air and they decided to ask me yes or no questions to which I gave yes or no answers which probably isn’t what they were going for, but I can’t change the past. Here is the podcast. Podcast segment UNregular Radio 4:12:12

I performed a song, then Big Bad Bobby and the …ahhh forget it. I am too tired to type the rest. They performed for 15 minutes and then I performed one more song. They called it a musical sandwich. Apparently I am bread. We said our goodbyes and it was kill some time and back on the train for us.

That night I got to play at the Mediator Stage in the 4 Corners with Scott Lewis as host, Alex Agronick and Mike Scudieri.

I got to play djembe and sing backup for Alex Agronick on his breaking all the rules song. He played baritone guitar and sang back up for mine. He took video. Keep an eye out for when I post it. You can see some fantastic pictures of that show here.

____________________________

From the Mediator Stage, an mp3 recording of the debut of “I’m Alive” Lyrics Here
Written by Tammy Laforest Schneider. Guitar and Lead vocals by Tammy Laforest. Baritone guitar and backup vocals by Alex Agronick. Recorded live by Scott M. Lewis.

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12 Responses to Nipples

  1. Dear Tammy,

    Thank you very much for your man kind words and most excellent blog post. If you’re okay with (at least in part) wholesale plagiarism, I’d love to host your blog post on the site. We don’t often get such an articulate view from musicians that come through on TBLMS. Thanks very much to you and your Mom, please let me know if it’s okay if/ when I steal this and credit you fully, probably posting a preview paragraph or two with a “full monty” link to your site.

    Thanks big bunches!
    KC Hoye
    UNregular Radio
    Social Media
    Web Editor/ Marketing

  2. Scott M Lewis says:

    You were excellent Thursday night Tammy, thanks for being my guest and I hope to hear you play again sometime soon. -Scott

  3. Copper says:

    comment? comment. comment!

  4. The mother says:

    I so desperately want to paint cool musical things in the windows so it will no longer look like a crack house. And, if we didn’t talk about vodka soaked tampons, they’d still be questioning why the candy sweet girl from Providence was even there. Consider it an ice breaker. ;p

    • TammyLaforest says:

      Trust me. It made it way more fun. And I got to learn the term “whisky dick” and teach them that girls kinda get the same thing. Just the expression on Dex’s face was worth the whole trip.

  5. Fire says:

    I walked all the way over for nipples and get whiskey dick instead?

    • TammyLaforest says:

      Sorry, Fire. But if you really are looking for nipples, I think there are a few websites I can recommend. šŸ˜€ Thanks for visiting.

  6. Celia says:

    Your mom has a point on the ice breaker thing. Thats hilarious. Wonderful article hon!! You are amazing and will go far.

  7. Mr. Dots says:

    Awesome!

    Keep rocking! Love the blog.

Comments are closed.