Candy Corn

As I drove an hour home in the disgusting combination of snow and rain I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be just like life if the last thing I tasted was candy corn?”  You see, I have never liked candy corn but had very riskily reached back to where the bag was in the back seat and grabbed some while I drove down a snowy street because maybe just maybe I would like it this time.  Candy corn is a great way to describe how I am about a lot of things in life.  I am willing to forget past offenses, challenges and dislikes in order to try again.  I will forgive you to the point the point of suffering.  I will try things again hoping that maybe they will be different or maybe I may have changed.  I will keep forcing my way through life with new strategies, new investment and new ideas because it isn’t hard for me to have hope.

I do get discouraged though.  I was having a conversation with Justin Ryan of Blank Tapes, Empty Bottles recently about my frustrations.  He replied with similar thoughts,   “I had a band in high school and people would come and pack the place.   Now it’s like asking people for a kidney to come to shows.”

There is much satisfaction for many musicians when they are actually being heard.  I know people enjoy it when I play.  They tell me all the time.  People all over the world follow what I do, subscribe to my youtube channel and order my Cd’s.  The people around me- friends and family- not so much.  I try to comfort myself with a quote from Jesus in the scripture Mark 6:4-  “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town, among his relatives and in his own home.”  It is just hard to get my own people to take me seriously.

At the same time music costs more money than it makes, so I have had to try to find an income elsewhere.  It would seem that the jobs that will work for me are at the same time as concerts would be.  When I suggest that I want to stop playing, people respond with, “But you are so good.”

Sometimes that is how life has to be, though. I can’t afford to give you music and I won’t get hired to do shows if you don’t come to them. I’m not even getting the sound I want anyway. Somewhere out there, there is the band that I will work with perfectly. Somewhere out there, there is a crowd that will want to travel to see us. But it doesn’t seem to be right now. Right now there is market saturation and snow.

*Eats a piece of candy corn*

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